We recorded this on Matthew's birthday so give him a break as he and Molly McButter discuss mating ketchup bottles, caddy love and what makes a condiment a condiment. We lay down the law and avoid greasy spoons all while making us yum.
Matthew's Now but Wow! - Fake Dates and Mooncakes, by Sher Lee
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Molly 0:00
Hi. I'm Matthew and I'm Molly.
Matthew Amster-Burton 0:05
This is spilled milk that show where we cook something delicious. Eat it all and you can't have it.
Molly 0:10
Today we are talking about condiments in restaurant, no conference.
Matthew Amster-Burton 0:16
Let's Abby keep all of this.
Molly 0:18
Today we're talking about condiments on restaurant tables.
Matthew Amster-Burton 0:22
Okay. And this was suggested by p y l 3003. On Reddit as condiments on restaurant slash diner tables.
Molly 0:29
That's right. And you should say that when this topic first was, you know, sort of
Matthew Amster-Burton 0:38
floated floated. We were floating on a paddle board.
Molly 0:41
I was like, yes, it was during our corporate retreat in August. I was like, what? Like, I had a really hard time figuring out what this even meant, like condiments on restaurant tables.
Matthew Amster-Burton 0:52
Yes. So, Molly, first response that was would that be like grape jelly? And just thinking of like, I've never laughed harder at anything.
Molly 1:04
I still don't really get what's funny about it.
Matthew Amster-Burton 1:08
I think I think it's that that like, the correct answer is what do you mean catch up? Edie? I know I can't even imagine what I
Molly 1:18
think a diner like for sure. Like, I think I've sometimes like seen a pot of like strawberry. Okay. frigerator it's fair. Refrigerator jam. Yeah, no freezer, freezer jam. Refrigerator jammed. Broken.
Matthew Amster-Burton 1:33
I still make strawberry freezer jam. But it was really good. I haven't done in a long time. Yeah, freezer jam is really good. Yeah. And then I used to buy it. And it was kind of the same as homemade. And I haven't gotten that in a while either. I should do that. I think we did an episode about that. So now this is about condiments on restaurant and diner table. That's
Molly 1:49
right. So so when I think about this, one of the first thing that come is grape jelly. Obviously, when I think about this, one of the first things that comes to mind, is when you go out to a diner, it's breakfast time and there's like a little stainless steel pitcher of syrup. With that like little hinged lid that's kind of really ratalie and loose. Yes, I know exactly what No, but it's it's never maple syrup. It's always pancake syrup. Right? Which I'm fine with. Honestly, of course. Also, I find myself thinking about ketchup and mustard. But then like, I can't think of many restaurants other than just like a, like a burger place where those are out on tables. Okay, but at other places. You've got like salt and pepper. Yeah,
Matthew Amster-Burton 2:31
or Okay, so let's get into this right now. Our salt and pepper condiments. No. Okay, I also vote no, I feel like a condiment has to be wet. Oh,
Molly 2:41
that's a really good point. It does have to be well Okay, what about like Mollymook butter. Like some like some butter powder that you shake on something? Oh, I because that is not like a spice that you would put in.
Matthew Amster-Burton 2:59
It's a seasoning,
Molly 3:02
you would add it after you would add it upon serving. So I
Matthew Amster-Burton 3:06
think I would call it a seasoning when it's like a dry flavoring that you would apply at the table and a condiment when it's a wet flavoring that you apply at the table. Okay, I Okay, I'll go with that. Okay, so Molly Mick butter is number one is your alter ego? And number two is the season.
Molly 3:21
That's right. Okay, so Matthew, what are your memory lane items?
Matthew Amster-Burton 3:25
So I think I'm going to keep your dear.
Molly 3:29
Dear. Oh, dear.
Matthew Amster-Burton 3:34
It's my birthday.
Molly 3:36
has reached the end model. either. It's no it's the end of your models lifespan if your model is obsolete and you're starting to short circuit.
Matthew Amster-Burton 3:47
That's right. I'm like I'm like God. Johnny Five.
Molly 3:52
Yeah. We need Matthew 2024.
Matthew Amster-Burton 3:58
That's right. Yeah. No, replace me with it with a new or a younger model with with like, abs.
Molly 4:04
Oh, cool. Okay, okay. Yeah,
Matthew Amster-Burton 4:06
great. The list. That's what the listeners have been clamoring for. Is what
Molly 4:09
they've been clamoring for. Okay, but Matthew, you were saying
Matthew Amster-Burton 4:14
young dumb and full of ABS.
Molly 4:16
Make me yum.
Matthew Amster-Burton 4:20
Makes me yum. By putting God demands on me. We're back. We got it. All right. So condiment condiment memory lane there you go. Like you know I remember like the first time going for full and of course we talked about like the full accompaniments on the full episode with Andrea and when which is a good episode. You should go listen. But like you know that they like bring you like all the stuff you need to flavor this up. Yeah, exactly the way you want.
Molly 4:48
Yeah, but we're only talking about it on the table. Right? Well, okay, but so in that case, we got Sriracha, we got like hoisin sauce, those might alright. Yeah,
Matthew Amster-Burton 5:00
we've also often got like a chili oil, right? Yeah. So like when you go when you go to a Chinese restaurant often they'll be like, like, you know Chili Chili Oil with plenty of sediment in it. I love that. There'll be like a soy sauce dispenser. I love that.
Molly 5:14
Oh God I have. I'm so glad you mentioned this because I have such vivid memories of going to again who Nan. Yep. Square. Yep. With the Shawn. That's right. I really miss this place.
Matthew Amster-Burton 5:31
I miss it. And I've never been like, I'm sad that I never got to go.
Molly 5:35
I have really fond memories of sitting at dinner. I mentioned that the tables were round with Glastar you don't you didn't have to? I knew. And did you know that the placemats for those paper ones with like the Chinese zodiac on the wonderful.
Matthew Amster-Burton 5:47
Yeah, no, I love that kind of Chinese American restaurants so much. So.
Molly 5:51
Anyway, I have very, very vivid memories of the Kikkoman soy sauce. There was like to pour spouts. Yep.
Matthew Amster-Burton 6:00
They had one of those at home at some point for no reason.
Molly 6:03
I did too. Okay, I did too. And it seemed like there was always something that we would order that I would need that for. Maybe as a kid. It was like a bowl of white rice. Oh, of course. Yes. Okay. I'm so glad you mentioned that. I hadn't thought about it. Yeah.
Matthew Amster-Burton 6:18
But then of course, like, oh, you know, you know, a good condiment on the table and Emory like when my wife is here, Laurie and I first moved to Seattle, we like to drive over to our chi beach and eat at spud fish and chips in the malt vinegar on the tables. And I'd never had that before. And I thought it was great.
Molly 6:36
When I was a kid and my dad and I would go out to lunch together on the weekend, we would almost always go to Long John Silver, which was next door to Borgs. Okay, on on May Avenue. And I remember it was one of the ones where the building itself looked like it had like a shipwreck.
Matthew Amster-Burton 6:54
Yes on it. I know what you mean. And I remember somehow crashed into the restaurant.
Molly 6:58
That's right. And I remember my dad teaching me about malt vinegar, because yeah, again, it was just out on the table in a bottle and putting it on like the steak fries. Yeah, the kind of fries they had at longtime silver. Yeah, so
Matthew Amster-Burton 7:12
good. Let's see what else yeah, anytime like if I go to like a barbecue place or a steak place, neither of which I do that often. So it's like a special treat. Like if there's a one sauce on the table or some kind of it can be House made barbecue sauce, or like commercial bottle barbecue sauce. I'm really happy either way. You know, those are those are my sauces.
Molly 7:32
So getting around to to ketchup and mustard, which, which I'm not fond of either one, which seemed like the basic condiments, but I am hard pressed to think of many restaurants where they are just on the table. Unless it's like a really casual like, hot dog or burger place. Yeah, no, I
Matthew Amster-Burton 7:49
but I think of this as being like a diner thing. Really? Yeah, like, I think there's ketchup on the table. It's at diners and
Molly 7:56
with like, like the orange and yellow squeezed bottles that could
Matthew Amster-Burton 8:00
be in the squeezed that reminds, again, there's a thing they bring you are there might be a glass bottle, like a like a glass bottle is what is what I am envisioning. Because I have a vivid memory for some reason. And maybe you can help me figure out like, is this like a thing of reading like a q&a column where someone asked a question, I was pretty young. About why do they mate the ketchup bottles at the diner, like after after hours. What? And I didn't I didn't even know what this meant at first. But it means like, like, so that you don't have like a, like an almost empty bottle on someone's table when they sit down. Like they go around and like pour the ketchup into like, in short, like consolidate it. Yeah, which is called meeting the bottles. Maybe no one else uses this term, and then recycle the empty ones. Well, what am I even at? What's the question? No, I've never ever done this. That's my question.
Molly 8:56
Ah, no, meanie. Oh, what's this? I mean, I've definitely where have I worked where I had to refill salt shakers?
Matthew Amster-Burton 9:06
That sounds fun.
Molly 9:06
I've definitely worked somewhere where I had to refill salt shaker
Matthew Amster-Burton 9:09
we recently for our corporate retreats stayed at an Airbnb where the salt and pepper shakers were labeled. Not salt, not pepper. So cute.
Molly 9:19
I hate that. Yeah. Okay, wait, hold on. How do you feel about it? And here I'd like you to go back to your pre COVID mind. Okay, but how do you feel about communal bottles on tables? Because, you know, they're they're not gonna get wiped down every time. Well, okay, the table gets clear.
Matthew Amster-Burton 9:37
This raises a good question. Like it doesn't really bother me or at least wouldn't have it. I sometimes get really greasy. Yeah, like people grabbing them with their greasy hands. But like, that's, that's sort of like, I feel like it's sort of part of like the folklore of that kind of place. I think like in order to be like a condiment that leaves on the table like it has to be like a certain type of condom If that isn't gonna go bad over the course of the day, so it's not going to be like romesco sauce. It's not going to be made well and even
Molly 10:07
if it's going to be like strawberry freezer jam, it's only going to be out for brunch service, right? Or if it's like an all day brunch thing, then I don't think they leave it on the table. Right?
Matthew Amster-Burton 10:16
But if it's like, if it's like a Thai restaurant, like sometimes like a Thai restaurant, they'll bring you like a Caddy with like force condiments and seasonings. They love that and a caddy. Yes. But also sometimes that just lives on the table. And usually, like one of them will be like some sort of, like, either sweet chili sauce, or like pickled chilies, and one will be like chilies in in fish sauce picked on PLA. And like those, those are among my favorite condiments to get on the table. I love the little caddy. And of course, they're fine to sit all day. Sure.
Molly 10:45
I'm so glad you mentioned the caddy because like salt and pepper shakers sometimes come into cash or who and it's so lovely. I love the little caddy. Me too. What about Okay, so I know a condiment experience that I have frequently, which is a Din Tai Fung. Yes. So there's black vinegar and soy sauce. And then anything else on the table there?
Matthew Amster-Burton 11:09
They bring shredded ginger, but that's not It's not like sitting there when you sit down.
Molly 11:12
That's right. Chili Oil, chili. Chili Oil. Yeah, and for some reason, I never really think too much about those. Yeah, I mean, I tend to use all of them. I think like I use them too. But you don't think about but I don't think about them or feel like skeeved out by greasy fingers. Okay, I think part of what's distressing to me is when there's ketchup and mustard often they're also like french fries, or Onion Rings and Things get really crazy messy burgers who do not want to see like a blob or a smear of the condiment on the outside of the container. I don't want to see that.
Matthew Amster-Burton 11:46
Like, I agree. Like, I feel like there's a real divide. Like I'm like a mind at war with itself because like as as kind of like an aesthetic, you know, just just like as the as part of the aesthetic of this kind of restaurant. I love the idea that there's like a grease stain and a sauce stain on the on the bottle and maybe even on the table. Like do I actually want to sit down and be confronted with that up close? No. Do I like the phrase greasy spoon? Yes. Do I Oh, do I want to be given a greasy spoon No.
Molly 12:26
Okay, well, so far, we've been talking about things that are sort of, for some reason that the word that's coming from is like bulk in the in the vessel there and multiple parties, like use it. Whereas there are also condiments that come in single serving packets, like little tiny jams. We could also I don't know how you feel about little packets of foil wrapped Pat's of butter. Is that a condiment? Hmm?
Matthew Amster-Burton 12:55
That's a really good question is butter a condiment? It is wet. And you can apply to the table. So I'm gonna say yes. Okay, so that's I buy love. So I don't typically use the little butter packets, because I don't usually spread butter on things. But I do love the little butter packets that are like, perfect little rectangular solids. Yeah,
Molly 13:17
yeah. So when I think about condiments that are on restaurant tables, when I think about like single serving ones, I pretty much only think of jam and foil wrapped butter. But of course all the condiments are a lot of the condiments we've been talking about that come in like a squeeze bottle also come in a single serving format, but they're not usually out on the table.
Matthew Amster-Burton 13:38
Right? So we recently stopped a Dairy Queen for lunch. And they had ketchup, mustard and mayo packets and relish, I think also packets, but they're at like a station where you can pick them up. They don't sit on the table because people would like you know, kids would squirt them at each other all the time. I do anyway.
Molly 13:55
And I think that at least in the in the past maybe there would have even been like a little condiment station where they were in like chafing dishes with a pump and you would let your butt out. I mean, I remember doing that at the Wendy's of my youth. Oh yeah. And there'd be like a little white Dixie cup and you would pump the ketchup into it
Matthew Amster-Burton 14:17
with the like the hot sauce at at Taco Bell. Taco Time. So I want to talk about talk about also a taco time it's a Northwest taco chain. They have the little little cups and they're like the perfect size for dipping your tightly rolled burrito in. That's great. Very satisfying. So good. I've got a conundrum for you. Okay, this is this is our Alexa sportful segment like you know is a hot dog a sandwich. Is coffee creamer a condiment?
Molly 14:47
Wow. I was about to say no, but it feels like it kind of I like it kind of is Yeah, but like, because it's something that is added purely for flavoring It's not a part of the cooking process. It's added after the fact it is what it is wet. Well, I
Matthew Amster-Burton 15:05
mean, not it can be,
Molly 15:08
I think and you know, it often is just sitting out on tables.
Matthew Amster-Burton 15:12
Yeah, sometimes sometimes like it. I think it's a condiment. Yeah, I
Molly 15:16
think so. I mean, I don't really like this
Matthew Amster-Burton 15:18
is gonna try and like trick that a corollary that like it's not a condiment if you're using it to flavor another liquid, but that doesn't make sense. No,
Molly 15:25
no. Because what what about okay, so well again, then now we get back to seasonings. I was gonna say like a sugar packet going into ice tea, but that's the season.
Matthew Amster-Burton 15:36
It's not a condiment is sugar, a seasoning?
Molly 15:39
Hold on, wait a minute. What if it's simple syrup? You know how like some really like fancy places will have simple syrup to put in your home. That's a condiment that's a condiment. Okay? Wow,
Matthew Amster-Burton 15:50
we really laying down the law here. Gosh,
Molly 15:53
my mind is just on Axonify or right now. Yeah. Okay, so so far, we've talked about a lot of sort of Americana and also a lot of like Asian cuisine condiment. Okay? You we've talked a little bit about hot sauce at Taco Time. Yes. What about
Matthew Amster-Burton 16:08
Taco Bell? Cuz I love Taco Bell very much. And it was like the favorite fast food restaurant when I was a kid. And it's still one of my favorites. Although I don't go there very often. Because there. As I mentioned, the Taco Bell in my neighborhood closed like 20 years ago, and I still miss it. Yeah, where was it? It was at Broadway and Mercer. Oh, gosh, it was close. Yeah. Oh, math. Yes. Big law and then two tacos for 99 cents for like most of its existence. So that is a big loss. My favorite sauce, fire sauce. Taco Bell fire sauce. The packet is really beautiful, fiery color. The sauce is so good. It's kind of like weirdly thick and kind of sweet and pretty spicy. I love that stuff so much. I don't want to know what's in it. Don't tell me
Molly 16:54
and is it? Is it like Taco Bell's hot sauce?
Matthew Amster-Burton 16:57
Well, there's mild sauce, hot sauce, fire sauce and Diablo sauce.
Molly 17:02
Ah, the order of spice.
Matthew Amster-Burton 17:05
They it was originally just when I was a kid there was just like mild and hot. Then they added fire which which I liked immediately. The Diablo is more recent. I've tried it and it's good, but I don't like it as much as the fire. Fire sauce is not it's hard to compare it with like some other hot sauce that you like because it's really its own thing.
Molly 17:24
Do you think it's a perfectly engineered food product?
Matthew Amster-Burton 17:26
Absolute Wow.
Molly 17:28
Okay, well, we need to get to
Matthew Amster-Burton 17:30
talk about it. Yeah, there's one there's one on like 15 that avenue west northwest West? Really? Yeah, pretty sure.
Molly 17:38
I drive past there all the time. I'm gonna look for this.
Matthew Amster-Burton 17:41
Okay, it's on the east side of the street and it may be combined like Taco Bell KFC
Molly 17:46
right. I think there's like a bus stop right? Yeah.
Matthew Amster-Burton 17:51
Let's do this. I'll meet you there.
Molly 17:52
Okay. All right. Great. Wow, what else do we have to say?
Matthew Amster-Burton 17:56
Um, I feel like I'd want Oh, what about hot sauce on tables? I know we did this on an episode previously where we talked about like, which is your favorite hot sauce to see on a table but you want to see some hot sauce on the table for sure. Absolutely.
Molly 18:07
I recently ran out of I think it was Tampa to and went to the grocery store and for some reason anyway, they were out of Tampa to and I wound up buying Valentina instead which reminded on had Valentina I remember, I think I first encountered Valentina in like Costa Rica or something even though it's it's a Mexican hot sauce. It's fine. Okay, but it made me feel it made me feel a little vacation II for a minute because I think Valentina is living on tables in a particular place. And that was a nice
Matthew Amster-Burton 18:38
oh, that's really nice. Yeah. All right. All right. Thanks for the for the suggestion. Py l 3003. Which I feel like I feel like it's supposed to be like, read and like, you know, like, leet speak like pill pill boob or something.
Molly 18:50
But or young? Like, like P YT. Yeah, pretty pretty it young listener? That's what it is pretty young listener. 3003.
Matthew Amster-Burton 19:00
Yeah. And not necessarily like young chronologically. Could be just young at heart. Yeah,
Molly 19:04
totally. Okay. All right. Well, we don't have any spilled mail today, but we would love more spilled mail. So send us some spilled mail at contact at spilled milk. podcast.com Yeah,
Matthew Amster-Burton 19:17
if you've got a burning, that's the right email address. And if you've got a burning question for us, put it out first and then send it to us put it out. Because it's burning. Yeah. Got it. It was yeah, it was a really good job.
Molly 19:30
That was a great job. Matthew, you've got to now but wow, I do.
Matthew Amster-Burton 19:41
I've why a romance called fake dates and mooncakes by shared Lee, and it's a gay male YA romance. That sounds great. And there is. You know, one thing that gave me pause is there is a very rich guy in the book, which usually I'm like, you don't want to be with this rich guy. But he is nice. It's not his fault. His parents are rich. It's not his fault. He has a Ferrari. Do I want to ride in his Ferrari? Yes, of course.
Molly 20:08
And is that a euphemism Matthew could be okay.
Matthew Amster-Burton 20:12
But there's also like the characters are really lovable and there is a ton of great Singaporean Chinese food in this book because that's the community that the book is set in. So I think you will enjoy this. It's called fake data and mooncakes by Sher li that's sh E R, L, E,
Molly 20:29
and how's how's the like romance side of it, like, is it very steamy? Is it it is not
Matthew Amster-Burton 20:34
very steamy? It's kind of like a you know, first first love kind of thing.
Molly 20:40
Okay. Okay. And where did you find it?
Matthew Amster-Burton 20:43
Um, it was recommended to me by wife at the show, Laurie?
Molly 20:46
Great. What a gal. Okay, well, our producer is Abby, sir. Catella. What a girl. What a gallon Do I have a substack newsletter called I've got a feeling and I post essays there about all kinds of stuff, mostly not food, and I've been doing it since February 2022. It's really fun. You can find it at Molly weisenberg.substack.com
Matthew Amster-Burton 21:07
And I have a band called early to the airport that makes rock and roll music. That's right. It's available anywhere you get your music. We have a couple of covers that are that are fun. We did a Robin song and we did a Britney Spears song and a Taylor Swift song. And we also do originals and my favorite of those if you will, if you want to like listen to the last song on the record, listen to the song Royal Road. I'm really proud of my vocals on that one.
Molly 21:33
I love that one they can rate and review us wherever they get their podcasts, can't they?
Matthew Amster-Burton 21:36
They the listeners a the listener certainly can. They can talk to other listeners at everything spilled. milk.reddit.com
Molly 21:44
That's right. And thank you so much for listening to spilled milk.
Matthew Amster-Burton 21:49
The show the show that's been been sitting on this table for the last eight hours getting stressed and real greasy. Yeah. I'm Matthew Amster-Burton. I'm
Molly 22:02
not touching that.
Oh wow, Matthew and now you've just given away with the topic for our Valentine's Day bonus,
Matthew Amster-Burton 22:18
cut all of that